Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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