Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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