I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
