I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
