he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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