Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize