well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
