You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
