You made me cry and you don't even care
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
