why didn't you poke me back
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
