if you like me you must not know who I am
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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