I got chris browned last night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
