I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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