That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
