I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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