I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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