well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
