is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
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