He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
