I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
