I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
