Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
