im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
