Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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