We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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