you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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