from now on my penis is your penis
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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