She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize