Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You're a waste of cheezeits
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Someone stole a lamp last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
