i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
