I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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