I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
