i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize