I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
