It's Friday. Sex?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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