Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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