Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
one might say we're banned from that church
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
