I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize