he was CRYING into my vagina
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
