so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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