Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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