and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
