I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
