My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
