maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
