final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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