I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
