Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
