so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
