i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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