I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
True college students do jello shots in the library
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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