i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
the raccoons are back...
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