That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
