wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
