No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
