How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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