Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize