waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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