Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
