I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
