don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
