What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
