A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
