:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
