Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize