wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
