I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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