Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
