my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize