those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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