He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
