Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
