I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
