She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
