she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
