I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
