I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
