i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
