So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
