what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
