The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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