I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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