I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
