I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
