Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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