...so i touched it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
