I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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