I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
