For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
