We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
