and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
