Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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