Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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