Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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