He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Someone shattered a urinal.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
